5 Tips For Becoming The Best Writer of All Time

Posted in My Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2014 by dakofman

I write. I love it. Fun all the time. When I’m not writing, writing is what’s on my mind.

So the other day I get to thinking, why don’t I become the best writer of all time? I like it so much why not be the best to ever do it? Then I put my hand on my chin and pondered. What do I need to do to be the best?

I came up with the list of tips below to help myself on this impossible journey.

1. Be Dead

Shakespeare. Plato. Emily Dickinson. James Joyce.

Know what they all have is common? They’re dead! The deader you are, the better writer you are. That’s how writing works.

Michael Jordan is recognized as one of the best basketball players of all time. He’s done and his work can be analyzed. A writer’s career isn’t done until they are dead. So even if you’re declared the greatest writer that has ever been, you don’t get to enjoy it. It’ll be long after you and everyone you know have gone on to the other side.

Sorta sucks, but that what comes with the territory.

2. Be Visible

If someone wrote the most profound articles on a small blog with 16 followers, they’d never get the recognition they deserve. It’s like spitting into an ocean of human creation. You have to be out there! Stand out! And the common people must know you. You’re going to want your writing to be simple enough so that billions can consume it, but complex enough that intellectuals will argue over what you meant. That is the key to being the best.

Speaking and writing in English is likely a requirement for writers moving forward.

3. Live a Weird Life
If you have a boring life, nobody’s going to give a shit about your writing. There’s no hook if you lived an average life even if you wrote some . Do people want to read what Bob Dude, who lived a happy life, wrote? No. They want to read what Bob Dude, who fought adversity, wrote? Get some weird rituals. Wear a living cat as a hat or a shoe. Eat only blue foods. It’s going to help in the future when they’re pulling old writing and deciding who gets to be the best.

4. Make Up New Words

A writer who adds to the dictionary is a going to have a lasting impact. Any writer can take the existing words and put them in a slick order that reads cool. If you make a new one, you’re great. You created. You’re in the dictionary. When people look up the etymology, you’ll be there at the beginning. It helps your case.

5. Write Now

All writing advice must have this as a tip. You need to write every day, it’s important so you get better and bla bla bla.

With these tips in mind I’m thinking that in 2752, I’ll become the greatest of all time. I’ll be dead long enough to get the respect I want. The robot overlords are going to love my novels after they translate them into binary. I’m keeping that in mind.

I can’t wait to be the best.

Black Enough

Posted in My Writing, Smug with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 5, 2014 by dakofman

“For some reason we are brainwashed to think, if you’re not a thug or an idiot, you’re not black enough. If you go to school, make good grades, speak intelligent, and don’t break the law, you’re not a good black person. It’s a dirty, dark secret in the black community.”

-Charles Barkley

Last week Charles Barkley dropped this little tirade on the black community. He responded to a rumor that supposedly Russell Wilson, quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, was considered not black enough by his fellow teammates and that had led to a rift between him and his teammates. Though that rumor was later confirmed to be false by Russell Wilson, I believe Charles Barkley is right on the money with his comments. I’ve been through what he’s talking about.

You speak properly. You do your homework. You don’t make any trouble. And then you get slammed with

“You want to be like them!”

“Think you’re better than the rest of us.”

“You’re not black.”

It got to a point where I would shrug my shoulders in response. I didn’t get what these black people wanted from me. What did I need to prove to them to be really black? What was being “black enough”? I just accepted it. Guess I’m not black then. Guess I’m an Oreo whatever that is.

It took me a long time to realize that those black people didn’t own the black identity nor did they have the right to decide who was black and who wasn’t. They didn’t get to tell me what I am. I defined me.

Barkley’s comments reminded me of Rob Parker’s inquisition into RGIII’s blackness from a few years ago.

For those of you who don’t know Rob Parker, he was a sports analyst on ESPN. One day he went after the quarterback on the Washington Redskins, questioning his blackness. You can see his very ignorant comments in the video below.

Is this only a black thing? Do white people deal with other whites saying they aren’t white enough? Or Latinos? Asians?

Who are these blackness investigators? Where do they come from? Who appointed them to check out and measure blackness? Is there a committee I don’t know about that deals with this? Where do they get their criteria for blackness from?

These investigators always seem to go after any black person having success. Like achieving in life is a sign that you’re likely to stop being black. They never evaluate the blackness of criminals and thugs.

I never heard anything like,

“You just got out of jail for the same shit you went in for? I’m not sure you’re really black then.”


“You failed class because you skipped? That’s not very black of you.”

A black man who’s a criminal is accepted. He’s fine. The black community accepts you.

A black man with a white fiance busting his ass everyday trying to live his dream? They’re going to start looking into your blackness. You might not be black enough. You might just be an “Uncle Tom” or “Oreo”. Maybe you’ll be deemed an “honorary white”.

Interesting double standard.

Why do some black people need to make another person’s racial integrity their business? It’s not helping anyone. They’re creating a bigger problem. Smart black children could be dissuaded from higher education because of this sentiment. I’ve overheard children teasing one another about doing homework and studying. Is that what we want?

Why is there this belief that if you don’t fit a certain mold, you’re not black? Is it because certain blacks equate success with selling out their race? Do they think that to be black means you have to suffer? You have to be poor? You have to be married to a black woman?

In the video, Rob Parker gives a vague definition of what being black is. Not having a white fiance, not voting Republican, being down with the “cause” and having dreads.

If some black dude wants to vote republican, then he should be able to without being bothered. If some black guy doesn’t want to have dreads, he shouldn’t have to worry about losing black points. If some black woman wants to marry a white man, there should be no problem. The thing that these blackness investigators forget to realize is that the black experience can’t be ripped away from someone.

You can question their racial integrity but you can’t change how that person feels when they’re pulled over by the police. You can’t take away the eyes staring at their every move when they walk into a 7/11 at night. You can’t make them feel any more comfortable when someone says “you’re better than those other blacks”. You can’t kick them out of the race just because they live their life different than yours.

You can’t.

They’ll always be black and you can’t do anything about it.

Some Housekeeping

Posted in My Writing with tags , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2014 by dakofman

Back in early 2011, I started this blog for a journalism class. It was then called “Cynically Marvelous”. I wrote non-offensive articles about whatever for my grade. When the class ended, my professor encouraged us to continue our blogs. I didn’t want to stop writing.

So I wrote an article on how much I loathed the tipping culture in this country. It was so relieving to let out that little frustration in a constructive way. I had prepared this little thought and then sent it out into the depths of the internet. Now it would persist until the end of human civilization. That was when I knew I had to write more. I had to create.

This blog became the place for me to air out my frustrations with modern society. I bashed everything I had the slightest gripe with; drinking culture, student loans, my friends, even myself. I’d even bash stuff that I actually liked. I once wrote a blog post about why holidays needed to be abolished. I loved spreading negativity. When you’re negative about everything, you’re also very often right. And being right is the best feeling in the world.

But I’m not that guy anymore.

Apologies are in order. I have neglected this blog. I could excuse myself by saying a lot of my writing energies have been put elsewhere. I’m currently working on my first feature-length script and doing extensive research for what I hope to be my first novel (it’s giving me a huge headache). Both of these projects drain the hell out of me.

But the real reason behind the lack of content is that writing less negative articles is a tremendously harder task than I originally imagined. I find that positive writing bores me. I don’t have much to say if I’m not complaining. I’ve been trying to rekindle my interest in blogging without a cloud of negativity infecting my thoughts. Gender issues came close but still not enough to get me back to my old blogging ways.

Having this blog has been a very rewarding experience and I don’t want it to stop just because I’m happier with my life now. So I’ve created a new direction for this blog that I think will reawaken the inner blogger in me.

I want to write about the taboo. I want to explore the limits of our tolerance. I want to understand why we have those limits. I want to talk about what’s next for humanity in our growing battle for equality. We’re learning to accept people regardless of race, gender and sexuality. But what is next? What will we learn to accept next? Who is getting a raw deal today? What group will step up and say “Hey! We’re people too!”?

For this new direction, I want followers who don’t shy away from hard topics. Because when I say taboo, I mean taboo. Think about the thing that makes you the most uncomfortable. I want to talk about that and why you’re so uncomfortable talking about it. Nothing will be off-limits. Nothing!

I hope to entertain and challenge anyone who stumbles upon my little spot here on the internet.


Echo Chamber

Posted in My Writing, Television with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 17, 2014 by dakofman

Today we can choose how we receive our information.

We can choose who we follow on twitter. We can choose what news stations we watch. And we get to choose where and when we consume that information; on the go with smart phones or tablets, at home front of the TV, through conversations we have. We get to choose and we always choose what we like. We have power.

We watch the news we like. We visit the sites we like. Follow the people we like. It’s a good system except for one huge problem.

Only seeing what you like is not a good thing. It leads to the death of critical thinking. You lose perspective when you are surrounded by like-minded people telling you what you want to hear. When all you hear is “you’re right about the world.” you don’t grow. You’re trapped in an echo chamber.

I know people who watch only one news station. These are the only people that they trust they deliver their news. All the others are liars. And this news station leans the same way as them on all the major issues. Liberals watch MSNBC. Conservatives watch Fox News. Everything is blue and red. Liberal or Conservative. Republican or Democrat. People are with them, or against them.


If somehow a different opinion sneaks its way into our lives, we have the power to snuff it out.

Ignore. Block. Ban. Downvote and mark for removal.

Scroll down on any news story to the comments section. Against the grain opinions are hidden and marked for deletion by the community. Most of these opinions aren’t even offensive. They’re different and unconventional. But because they do not fit in with the hive-mind of the reader-base for those sites, they are removed.

What happened to discussion? What happened to trying to learn more about how other people see the world? What has happened to critical thinking?

It’s as if people figure out their view on a topic, then search for ways to reinforce it. Never challenging their first reaction to a news story. They search for facts that support the narrative that they already have in their head. Things that don’t support that narrative are ignored or said to be fabricated by the enemy.

Critics, skeptics, and cynics are pushed out of the community. Said to be insane or brainwashed by the enemy’s media. Then they are labeled with the name of the enemy. Bleeding Heart. Homophobe. Heretic. Racist. Sinner. Misogynist. Tree Hugger.

Would it be so bad if we didn’t only read what we liked? If we didn’t only listen to the news stations that we liked? Maybe turn on the TV, not watch the same news correspondents? Switch it up? No news station is completely objective, in fact I’d say most aren’t even close. It’s television. They have ratings to consider.

Maybe we should starting following people we despise. Read articles that are offensive to us and our beliefs. Try not to see issues in blue and red. It’d be great if people could try, make that effort.

So that our first reaction to a contrary opinion isn’t “This person is completely wrong and I am right!” and instead becomes “Why does this person believe this? Why do they see the world differently than I do?”

Asking questions rather than remaining in ignorance.

Master of Your Fate

Posted in My Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2014 by dakofman

This girl went missing at my college. It was about a month or so before graduation. I didn’t know her. She was in my class, but I hadn’t ever met her. Her name didn’t ring any bells. It wasn’t until I saw her picture in an online news article that I could place her face.

I had seen her around campus, one of those people I’d blast past on my way back to my dorm. So the story went that she up and disappeared on her family. What triggered it? Who knows. A few days go by after that initial news break. People are out looking for her. She was last seen bordering a train headed to New York City. Her cell phone, wallet and ID were found by the George Washington Bridge.

People went out into New York City to canvass for this girl. The family received phone calls of her being seen around that city. I remember reading an update where a cop mentioned having a good lead about where she was.

But it turned out that this girl took her own life. Her body washed up on shore. Her family released that awful news


They said she was a model student, incredibly high GPA.


She was involved in clubs and was even captain of the tennis team.


She was accepted to Rutgers Law School and was going to live with her sister.

Why. Why did she do it?

A few months ago, I go into my full-time job. Office work. The less said about it the better.
My supervisor brings me into a room with everyone else working the late shift. She says she has some unfortunate new. One of our coworkers is dead and he took his own life. I don’t recognize the man’s name at first. The room goes quiet and numb after she dropped that bombshell. She asks me if I knew him. I said I don’t know. She told me I had to have seen him around.

Then she starts to describe him. He always wore a jacket even if it was like 80 degrees outside. Always in a hurry. Easy to talk to. And I know immediately who she’s talking about. My bathroom buddy.

He and I got usage of the upstairs bathrooms banned. We weren’t supposed to use them in the first place, but it wasn’t a real rule. So I put it to the test. The down stairs bathrooms smelled like someone died while using them and often had piss all over the toilet paper. So I would sneak upstairs to the better toilets. I’d bump into him on way up the stairs all the time. He knew how much better they were too.

Oh my gosh he’s dead.

I saw him the day before. I used to small talk with him in the hallway.


He seemed happy, not different from all the other people I saw around there.


Everyone really liked him and considered him part of the family.

Why. Why did he do that?

With the recent death of Robin Williams, a lot of people are asking themselves “why”. Why would a person who brought them such joy leave the world in such a dark way?

Is there a single discernible reason? A trigger that set them off? Could it have been prevented? Is it our fault for missing the signs? Were there signs?

Even if we had those people back to tell us why, could they properly articulate their pain? Put their troubles into words? Do they even have words that can describe what they went through? Could we understand what it means to feel so trapped that death is a more viable option than tomorrow? Or to hate yourself so much you’d rather not be around any more?

We call suicide the cowardly way out. They weren’t strong enough to hold on to their lives. I believe that to be ignorant. Could we hold on if we were in their shoes? Just snap out of it like people often advise. We can talk a big game about holding on. But if life is depression, emotional pain, mental suffering, self-inflicted torture, is it even worth holding on to? To see the sunrise again on next worst day of your life? We can all easily say yes, but those who are gone would disagree.

Who’s right?

Can’t answer that question. I just can’t.

What is a person entitled to?

Posted in My Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on July 2, 2014 by dakofman

Stock Photo of the Consitution of the United States and Feather Quill

What rights should a person have? What does a government have to provide for its citizens?

Here in America, we have a Constitution. It’s changed radically since it was first put into effect back in 1789. As times changed, our rights also changed. Women needed to be able to vote. Slavery was determined to be not so great after all. Alcohol was prohibited, then brought back. The constitution hasn’t been amended in twenty two years. So today what are we owed?

If it was up to you to come up with a new amendment, what would you fight to make its way in?

George Carlin had a great bit about rights. I don’t know if I agree with everything that he said, but he brought up a good point about food and shelter not being rights under our constitution.

We all know that shelter, food, water are life necessities. Should a right to food, shelter, and water be added in? Can we feed and house every American? I’d say yes, but we wouldn’t be able to do it for free. Or are food, water, and shelter to be earned, not given out?

Should love be a right?

We can all agree that loving and to be loved is one of life’s greatest pleasures. It makes us human. What is a life with no parents to learn from, no friends to play around, and no partner(s) to love? But is a person entitled to love? Seems wrong to say that. A government can’t guarantee love for everyone. How would we go about doing that? Arranged marriages? Too messy.

Should free healthcare be a right? Should the ability to marry anyone you want be a right? Should a college education be a right? Should job employment be a right? Should living out of poverty be a right? Should contraception be a right?

If it were up to me, I’d want access to the internet to be a right.

You can get in an argument with a person halfway across the world. There’s so much knowledge on here. All of mankind’s modern works are available at the click of a button. I believe the internet has really leveled the playing field for people. You can throw out a creative work and build a niche audience. It’s easier to find people to get a long with or see into worlds you wouldn’t normally have a chance to.

But then that’s just me.

What exactly is Feminism today anyway?

Posted in MISC with tags , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2014 by dakofman

First wave feminism I understand. Second wave feminism I understand. Once we get into the modern era of feminism, I get very confused.

What exactly does the modern feminist stand for? Can’t figure it out. I’ve read feminist blogs and they only served to confuse me more. Contradictory ideals. Comments on the blogs from women also claiming to be feminists saying the blogger had no idea what they are talking about. Still can’t figure it out.

There’s such radically different ideologies under the feminism banner. I’ve watched interviews with sex workers and pornstars. They say sex is freedom of expression. They are in control of their bodies and sexuality. They love their work, it’s a lot of fun. They consider themselves feminists. But then you’ll have other women who say that porn industry encourages objectification and violence towards women. They can’t both be feminists, can they? So who is right? Who is the true feminist?

There’s sex positive feminists. There’s anti porn feminists. There’s feminists against abortion. There’s feminists who don’t believe in the rape culture. Feminists who do. There’s feminist feminism critics. Are they all feminists? Who do I support? Which one is the best one to support? Is there an objective way to pick?

We have this word “feminism” that means completely opposite things at the same time. It’s like if we decided to call all the colors of the rainbow, “red”. Hard to figure out what exactly red is.

If someone tells me that they are a feminist, I don’t know much about what they stand for. Gender equality on some form. Should I know exactly what . It would help gender issues if it were more clear. What’s the next milestone that we want women to reach that they haven’t yet? What do women today want out of society that their gender prevents them from having? It’s easier to figure out what to do to help.

Came across this passage in my search for more knowledge and clarification.

“Within the movement itself, there are various media outlets, different angles and belief systems. Even within specific websites such as Everyday Feminism, individual feminists can have different viewpoints on the same feminist issues.

Sometimes it’s just hard to get massive amounts of people to agree exactly what the best means to achieving that goal is.

-Kelsey Lueptow


So it’s a part of feminism now to have multiple view points on the same issue and discuss them. Okay. So then feminism is more individualistic rather than a group advocating certain rights. But does that not lead to problems? How can you enact change if everyone has different idea of what they want?

Perhaps someone can help dispel my confusion with a comment. Explain how they see feminism today and what it stands for. If they would be so kind.

So for next time, I hope to finish the post that I wanted to publish last week.


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